I thought I had it all bottled up in me and when I wanted to share with friends or real loves a tiny bit would spill out and I changed a little something in that person or even with myself. I was happy, it made them and myself delightful!
I had this special secret bottle filled with all my thoughts, feelings, cares, memories, jokes, inspirations. So on. It made me who I am. It made me an individual.
Im never one to completly give myself away. When I meet you you have to work extremely hard for the bottle to even open up. And once you screw something up its just that much harder to get into again.
Its guarded by all the most awful ferocious creatures in this world. Lions, hippos, eels and scorpions. I only let select few in. Even those who think they have had some of this special elixir have not.
Not even close. Not even some of the closest friends.
Its my most romantically dark side. Its the person who Ive always wanted to be and strive for. But you can't just show that side of you to anyone just all the time.
It would come off as fake and no one would really understand it anyway.
So its in a bottle-- well more like a jar. I picture it as a jar thats sealed so tightly. Its really lovely. Not over decorated just perfect and simple.
So this liquid, in a jar is guarded by bears and lions and the sort, in this spot in my heart.
Its almost even running low....not that I share with everyone. Its just...when your sad...
When you feel really low. It kind of evaporates. You just start to loose it. You get depressed and the elixir itself finds a mind of its own and just slowly leaves your body.
You as the host for this living breathing animal becomes unfit. You cannot happily support this organism. It realizes this, and slowly evaporates from your body. When that happens..
You lose your drive, passion...lose interest in almost everything.
I hate to put the blame on someone. Im never one to blame. Thats what the rest of my silly family is for. They like to blame.
But honestly someone stole my secret jar from me.
I don't know who stole it. But I know everyone stole it.
I wouldn't say that it slowly leaked away from me...some has.
I won't be a goddamned liar, over the years much much has slipped away from me. We all have to go through some really bad shit and we are just supposed to deal. But now even the goddamned jar is missing. Why take an empty jar? It could have slowly filled up again! Baffles me.
Maybe ill have my little jar back again. I try to look on the bright side. And I have good..wait..exceptionally extraordinary people in my life that have helped me not be a total zombie.
Its just weird you've had something your entire life and then its gone and you don't even get to keep the goddamned jar.
ugggh...here is to new beginnings. buck up. the end isn't as close as you think.
I might find a new jar that someone left behind. ill find it, clean it...call it my own.
I always do find the most amazing things second hand.
Ive always been a huge fan of Peter and the Wolf by Prokofiev. Its always held a special place in my heart since elementary school. Learning about each instrument in music class and how all the characters are perfectly paired up to each instrument to make the story really come to life.
The first time I ever came across the music was the Disney animation. hah. It was cute but it really cant compare to the life in this one. Besides....Disney is a corporation run by Satan :)
I love this piece of music sooo much. But honestly this is the BEST animation for the story EVER. I have always been a huge fan of claymation/animation. In school my friends and I would get together and make movies, I respect the art of claymation to say the least. Tough stuff. Takes patience.
But what I absolutely love about this animation is its done so amazingly well! hah! It has so much character and incredibly artsy <3 beautful !
A friend of mine just bought me this album on vinyl. ahh-mazing.
This entire album is filled with some intense beats, eerie vocals, and it gives off such an incredible sexual ambiance. Its all Ive been listening/dancing to lately.
Dont get me wrong this video is NOT sexual in any way. More like horror! But I guess in some horror i always find some sick sexual fantasy. haaah!
I know this came out a minute ago, im late. But such an amazing gift!
This picture above proves just how GREAT my friends are...
My birthday was the 4th and honestly I had no plans. All my friends told me they had to work or had labor day plans with their folks, yada yada.
I really wasnt feeling the love. So I went out to st. pete that morning and had a wonderful day. I got home around 9pm and opened the door to a house full of people screaming SURPRISE! to me.
I was in shock.
They kept this secret from me so sooo well. I was extremely moved from this, I was tearing up.
I later felt like such an asshole..."why dont my friends wanna hang out with me?"
haa haa little did I know.....
Needless to say the entire party was Harry Potter themed (Im a dork) and even some of my friends dressed the part (more pictures to come)
There was the goblet of sangria and streamers and plates and decor to match.
Lots of drinking and talking to people I havent seen in years!!
I cant thank my friends enough or really even explain to them how happy they made me. I love my life so much because they are a part of it...
I will never forget this as long as I live.
had to share...
Let them know you realize that life goes fast,
Its hard to make the good things last,
You realize the sun dont go down,
Its just an illusion, cause by the world spinning round
Sorry kiddos its been to long! So much has happened in my life recently and then my computer killed over. Life is great though, I moved in with two of the most amazing people in this world and couldnt be happier. We live in this incredible house
and honestly it is hooked up!
I haven't had a lot of time with the art scene but I'm extremely excited to start up some somethin somethin in our HUGE art room in the back of the house. So much possibility!
I do have some new art on my self though...
wonky picture :p
Life couldn't be better, I really cant wait to dive into my future projects and begin on some inspiring ideas I have had on the back burner now for some time.
Most importantly I am stoked to work on myself.
My personal life has been kind of a wreck but I am now out of that funk and wanting to get out there-meet people, network, start a band ;)
Ive joined a gym! Only good things can happen from that right?!
But anyway just thought Id pop in to say hey and that I'm still around!